The rules of
Manliness
according to
Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris Approved

Rule 1
Beard or no Beard. There is no stubble

It's true. I mean are you wearing stubble just because you aren't man enough to wear the full beard? GET A GRIP. Grow it or shave it.

Chuck Norris

Beard or no Beard. There is no stubble

Rule 2
Two men may never share an umbrella.

Unless you are about to hit a man, there is no good reason to be as close as you would be under an umbrella. If the alternative is getting wet then well you'll just have to get wet - it's only water so stop being such a pussy. Or you could just be more organised and come prepared!

Chuck Norris

Two men may never share an umbrella...or a hat.

Rule 3
If a man's fly is open, that's his problem. You didn't see anything!

A delicate area this and I don't just mean the crotch of a man's trousers. If you notice an open fly and you make a point of poinitng it out the very first question that pops into the recipient's mind is Why was he looking at my crotch?. Explain that one away and still remain dignified.

This initial reaction is closely followed by acute embarrassment equalled only my your mum spitting on her hankie and wiping your face in public. So better the individual finds out for himself or from a woman. Either way is preferable as embarrassment will be saved for you or hilarity generated if he was trying to pull said woman.

Chuck Norris

If a mans fly is open, that's his problem, you didn't see anything!

Rule 4
A man's gotta scratch what a man's gotta scratch.

This applies to picking as well. We itch therefore we scratch, irrespective of the location of the itch or the social situation that we find ourselves in. More dignified men tend to use subtlety, for example disguising a scratch with the classic pocket coin jiggle.

Chuck Norris

A man's gotta scratch what a man's gotta scratch. This applies to picking as well.

Rule 5
Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, must be caught.

Not catching something equates to being a girl. You don't want to be seen as a girl do you? The only way out of this dreadful situation is if the thrower threw like a girl. In which case you may drop the catch or better still catch it to highlight your manliness despite your friend's failure in the throwing department. Additional mockery of the poor throw is allowed and encouraged, including pointing and laughter.

Chuck Norris

Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, must be caught.

Rule 6
A man shall never help another man apply sun tan cream.

Why this has to be written down I don't know, but it's wrong. Under no circumstances must you do this, especially if they are wearing Speedos. If a man can't apply his own sun tan cream then he must endeavour to seek female support or live with the consequences.

Chuck Norris

A man shall never help another man apply sun tan cream.

Rule 7
If you say ouch, you are a pussy!

Real men don't feel pain. Fact.

Chuck Norris

If you say ouch, you are a pussy!

Rule 8
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Additional explanation after answering in the affirmative or negative is not required.

Chuck Norris

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Rule 9
Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

I have a map and eyeball mark one - no other tools or assistance is required. Sat navs fall into the same category and should be avoided at all costs.

Chuck Norris

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

Rule 10
Regardless of veracity, a man never admits familiarity with a stage show or musical.

No words are needed.

Chuck Norris

Regardless of veracity, a man never admits familiarity with a stage show or musical.